


Coherence

by sithmoonchild



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotions, M/M, Post canon/TLJ, soft but not too soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 11:41:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14307897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sithmoonchild/pseuds/sithmoonchild
Summary: Things are different now. Kylo can’t quite place his finger on it but Hux’s behavior is... off.A small scenario where they are both trapped between what they want and what there is. Trust is not a given.





	Coherence

**Author's Note:**

> Something short I had an idea for and decided to bring to fruition. I kept thinking about Hux playing with Kylo’s hair, but of course I couldn’t do it without angst.

It was strange the way everything shifted after the events on Crait. Kylo was able to decipher little tremors in Hux, the way he would make eye contact but seem out of focus, the way his cheeks lost color and his hands became shaky. What felt even more out of place was the concern Kylo felt every time Hux spoke to him. Concern for him was not likely yet he felt it. The question radiating from Hux’s mind, bouncing against the inside of Kylo’s skull: _Are you alright?_ The answer was no. Kylo was not alright. He tried to use his rage as fuel, tried to remember everything he had been taught, but found himself slipping in moments of weakness, still after all this time. He felt like he was getting nowhere, running in circles. The only way he found true comfort was by spending nights in Hux’s chambers, wrapped around him, not talking about anything, listening to each other breathe. They’d had something for a while, but after Crait, after that big shift Kylo felt, things were different. It felt like they were underwater, floating through a half ragged breath, waiting for something to happen. Every day they were biting their tongues at the chaos, not knowing what to say. Hux barked at him, Kylo barked back. He wanted to grab onto something, close his fist around it until his knuckles turned white. And the only thing even remotely in his grasp was not a _thing_ at all, but a person. Hux. And their history together made everything seem a little more hopeful despite the upheaval. But it didn’t change the agony. Just like everything else, Kylo felt the agony. Within himself, within Hux, all around him. It was a wave washing over him, taking him under until he lost his vision. 

—-

He was dreaming. Long, shadow-like fingers were reaching out to him, wrapping around his neck, lacing down his spine, grabbing onto his legs, slithering through his body, into his veins, cold as ice. He couldn’t breathe, there was no light anywhere, only pitch black _nothingness_ like a warm void. That’s when he saw it. A bright red flame at the surface of the darkness, like a beacon. He reached out, trying to coax his body upwards, only to be dragged down deeper. This went on for longer than he was able to tell, and at the final try he was dragged down so far he lost sight of the flame. He cried out when he felt the fingers enter his mouth, dripping down his throat like venom. He was choking.

Kylo sat up with a gasp, blinking through the darkness to make sense of his surroundings. He was in Hux’s bed, Hux sitting up, on his datapad, the light from the screen casting a glow against his face.

“Another nightmare?” Hux asked nonchalantly. “You’ve been having too many of those recently.” He sighed and set his datapad down on the bedside table, gesturing for Kylo to come closer. Kylo did, rolling over and putting his head in Hux’s lap, letting out a sigh when he felt Hux’s fingers in his hair.

“Why are you even still awake? You should be sleeping.” Kylo grumbled. 

“I sleep when I can. There’s much work to be done, you know.” 

Silence enveloped them, and as he was drifting to sleep again he swore he could hear someone whisper his name. 

—-

Kylo woke to sharp light, squinting in pain as he came to, finding Hux already dressed in his full uniform, sipping caf at his desk while he furrowed his brow at something on his datapad. He threw the sheets off and stumbled into the fresher, pinching the bridge of his nose before splashing his face with cold water and analyzing himself in the mirror. Everything suddenly felt like _too much_ all at once. Why was he keeping up appearances with Hux? Why were they _doing_ this? It was like some sort of sick game, but Kylo knew he needed Hux to hold him together, and so his own selfishness reminded him to keep playing. He was about to turn and leave the refresher when he noticed a tiny braid in his hair. Had Hux done this last night? Kylo felt something hot in his chest and wetness form in his eyes. Biting back the emotion, he tucked the braid behind his ear and went back to Hux’s room to get dressed. 

—-

It became a sort of routine. Kylo would wake in the night from that same horrible nightmare, and Hux would be there beside him, either working or sleeping or sipping a drink in the chair across from the bed. Each time Hux would go to him or summon him closer, and play with his hair until Kylo fell asleep again, the nightmares staying away until the next night. Each morning Kylo found another braid in his hair. They were all very thin and tightly wound, easy for Kylo to hide. It was as though Hux made them that way on purpose, noticing how Kylo chose to keep them. 

It wasn’t until the day Kylo walked into Hux’s chambers after a mission and Hux scrunched up his nose, immediately telling him he needed to shower, that Kylo unraveled the braids. He was crying softly on the floor of the shower, letting the steam swallow him when Hux entered, dressed in nothing but his pants and a black undershirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. 

“Come now, let’s get you washed up. You’re an absolute mess.” Hux gestured for Kylo to lean back and he did, his eyes fluttering shut when Hux began to shampoo his hair for him, massaging his scalp, scrubbing away all the dirt and debris. He washed Kylo’s body as well, lingering at his neck, closing his hand around it halfway and tilting his head at the way Kylo reacted. It was at that exact moment that Kylo’s nightmare came to him while he was awake. The flame at the surface of the darkness, the one he could never reach. This time it was mixed with the memory of Kylo waking up amongst the wreckage of the throne room, Hux covering his blaster with his coat, a look of complete disgust on his face. Suddenly everything slid from beneath Kylo’s feet, and he fell apart.

“You wanted to kill me. When I was unconscious, after I- after the girl killed Snoke. You thought of killing me.” Kylo mumbled, more tears starting to trickle from his eyes, mixing with the water from the shower. Hux sighed and stood up, giving Kylo a strange sense of panic. He didn’t want Hux to leave, he just wanted to talk about it. They never talked about anything. He stood up, anticipating turning the shower off and following Hux into his bedroom, but his panic was short lived when Hux began undressing. He neatly folded his clothes and placed them on the counter by the sink before stepping into the shower behind Kylo and wrapping his arms around his torso, leaning his head against Kylo’s shoulder.

“I did.” Was all he said, his voice hollow, wrapped around the roar of the shower. He placed a kiss on Kylo’s shoulder blade. 

“If you wanted to, if you were _going_ to, then why didn’t you?” Kylo turned around in anger, mouth twitching into a snarl. Hux was looking up at him through a furrowed brow and long lashes.

“Because I think I need you.” Hux said matter-of-factly. He leaned his head back and let the water soak his hair and run over his face. Kylo stood in silence with Hux’s words, waiting for him to step out of the stream again so they could continue speaking. He finally did, reaching for the shampoo and massaging the gel from his hair.

“You _need_ me?” Kylo scoffed. “You don’t need me. You’ll never need me. You could have all of this for yourself right now if only you’d pulled that trigger. You and I both know it. I’m so tired of your games, Hux. Just fucking tell me what you want. Tell me what this is.” Hux stared at him blankly before rinsing the shampoo from his hair and unceremoniously turning the shower off and stepping out, motioning for Kylo to join him. Kylo grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist, watching as Hux did the same.

“Come.” Hux led the way into his bedroom and Kylo followed, staring at the redness the hot water left on Hux’s shoulders. Hux began drying off and dressing, putting new pants on and a fresh undershirt. Kylo did the same, slipping on his pants but remaining shirtless. He sat at the foot of Hux’s bed, waiting for Hux to say something, to acknowledge what Kylo said in the shower. It felt like an eternity but finally Hux spoke.

“What I want, Kylo, is very simple. I want you. I want your rage, your passion, your power. Your _body_ ,” Hux let his eyes drift down Kylo’s torso. “As for what this is, it’s… a partnership of sorts, I suppose. There are things you want from me, things I want from you. I think we can use each other to get what we want.” Hux came around the side of the bed, crawling up behind Kylo and kneeling there, smoothing his hands flat against Kylo’s back, up over his shoulders and down his chest. Kylo grabbed one of Hux’s arms and turned it over, placing a kiss on the inside of his wrist. He could feel Hux exhale on the back of his neck.

“You just want to use me for power, is that it? You’re powerful enough as it is. If you would have killed me you’d have all of it for yourself already.”

“Yes, but then I wouldn’t have your body.” Hux sighed, slipping his hands from Kylo’s grip and sliding off the bed, going around to face Kylo and dipping to his knees between Kylo’s spread legs. He ran his hands up and down his thighs, massaging until Kylo had an obvious erection beneath his ridiculously tight leggings. “See now? There’s something in it for both of us.” Kylo’s confusion turned into rage and he stood suddenly, causing Hux to topple back halfway, catching himself and standing, meeting Kylo’s eyes again hungrily. 

“I don’t understand these _games_ , Hux. You should have just fucking killed me. You’re toying with me now.” Kylo was shaking, running a hand through his still damp hair, wishing he could dissolve.

“No, no. You’re not weak. You have been toying with me for far too long, and now it’s time for you to realize the truth in my words. We can do great things together. Can you let yourself trust me?”

Kylo was shivering with anger, walking over to the pile of clothes he’d thrown on Hux’s chair the night before and beginning to fully dress. When he had his boots on he looked over at Hux who had been standing there watching him, expecting an answer. Suddenly his mind ran projections behind his eyes of Hux, cradling Kylo’s head, making little braids in his hair, washing him in the shower, pouring him caf and bringing it to him in bed. Was this all just a game? Was Kylo just a mouse in Hux’s maze?

“Yeah. Fine. I’ll trust you. Prove me wrong. I’m waiting for it.” Kylo rumbled before breezing past Hux and out the door, letting it slide shut behind him before he heard it. A whisper, barely perceptible among the static of the silence.

_Oh, Kylo. You shouldn’t give in so easily._

Kylo headed off with one thought loud in his mind.   
He couldn’t trust Hux.


End file.
